- Receive the disc
 - Wash hands to remove oils
 - Place 3-4 drops of mild dish soap on disc
 - Gently rub with warm water from center out
 - Rinse
 - Dry with a fine-weave microfiber cloth
 - Inspect under good light
 - Rip
 - Clean oils from case before replacing
 
Again, assuming a bad press was at fault, I attempted to rip a few new discs. These also resulted in errors when attempting to open the disc. I then went back to known good discs and still had issues - again, tons of drive seeking noise, difficulty open the hash files and ultimately, MakeMKV hanging. MKV noted each time that hash errors were the source of the issue, likely indicating a failing drive. I rebooted the system several times to no avail and prepared to send an email to Alex to purchase a new drive.
Frustrated at the prospect of defeat, I did what any good IT Systems Engineer would do - I turned it off and on again. Specifically, I powered down the PC, removed power, performed a flea power drain, got a beer, and turned it back on. Lo and behold - the problematic disc now not only read fine, but ripped cleanly.
So I just wanted to post this in case someone runs into this or a similar issue. Take a deep breath, power everything down, and give it one more try. That said, I think I'm going to order another drive to have a spare on hand.