Welp, I think my drive might just be FUBAR...I've tried everything, both that I can think of and that everyone has suggested, and the drive still refuses to read anything.
- I copied the entire contents of my calibration data (1f0000.bin) over the last 64k of the file provided by Marty, one of the "cleaned" 1.03 .bins in the WindowsPE .iso, and one that I dumped myself from the official LG firmware patcher, using HxD; flashing all lead to the drive being unable to read any discs
- I tried using the data mover tool, using the hex-edited WH16NS40 .bin provided by Marty as a base and a clean 1.03 .bin as a destination, then doshflash'ing that; same result
- I tried using the data mover tool, using the untouched WH16NS40 .bin provided by Marty as a base and a clean 1.03 .bin as a destination, then doshflash'ing that; same result
- I tried writing the WH16NS40 .bin provided by Marty untouched (without messing with it at all) using dosflash, which lead to the firmware version reading as BOOT and, spoiler, no discs being readable
- Finally, just for the lulz, I tried hex editing the calibration data from Marty's WH16NS40 .bin to a clean 1.03 .bin; same result
Unless anyone has any last ditch ideas (or sees a flaw in my ability to follow instructions, which is equally likely), it's probably best I just give up on the drive. I am curious though, is there not a way to create a flashable .bin off the .tar archive that the sdftool creates when doing a dump/read? If so, I'd at least be able to try from scratch using a .bin that I know has my calibration data on it.
On the plus side, I can serve as a PSA for future people about reading the fkn manual before you do things like this. Also, I now consider myself a complete expert in dosflash, hex editing, and sdftool, and can happily tell people to never take advice from me.
Thanks again to Billy, Marty, and Mike for trying to help, y'all are the true heroes.