www.makemkv.com

Is there a way to make a copy of a 4k movie with selected audio that I want selected subtitles that I want with the main menu but with no extras and all that other stuff

kinda but it might break the menu stuff just do a full folder backup and delete the extras

Menus would mean a backup. And then you're storing raw m2ts files, which will have pieces of what you want. To delete audio and subtitles, you'll have to modify the m2ts files in ways that will make them not what the play lists think they are.

Going to an MKV file is going to be your "optimum small", but you lose menus. Which isn't such a big thing if you're not relying upon a BD player to manage things. Most media players will allow you to select audio tracks and subtitles without using the BD menus.